Us And The Church

I’ve often thought of all the stories I could tell if I ever had grandchildren, but since I don‘t have any children, I decided to start a blog. There are so many things I remember growing up that I can’t share with anyone any more. My brother and I were buddies. We lived in a neighborhood were we were the only kids, so we had each other as playmates. Sonny died in 1995 from complications of Diabetes, specifically kidney failure. I am an avid supporter of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. I don’t have anyone to annoy with these stories… But there are so many stories…
My Father’s family was Catholic and my Mother tried really hard to be a good Catholic even though she was raised Methodist. We went to Catholic school and took the Sacraments and did everything we were supposed to do. When I was in the fourth grade, our class had to go to confession on the first Thursday of every month because we had to go to Mass with the school on the first Friday. I remember this incident as if it were yesterday. I went into the hall and our make-shift confessional and started “Bless me Father for I have sinned” and then I stopped. I really couldn’t recall anything that I needed to be forgiven for… so I said “ I missed Mass twice since my last confession” The Priest asked why and I told him, my Mom didn’t to Mass either. and I didn’t have a ride. He didn’t seem to think that was enough of a confession so he started asking questions. Did I argue with my brother “well, no. I don’t have anyone else to play with in our neighborhood, so I wouldn’t do that” Did I steal a cookie from the cookie jar, “well no. of course not, if I ask my Mom for a cookie, she’ll give me one”. The Priest seemed frustrated at that point and excused me from the Confessional with a few Hail Mary’s. At lunch time, the Priest called my Mom and told her that I wasn’t taking confession seriously enough and she needed to make sure we understood that it was serious business. We finished out the marking period in that school and then Mom transferred us back to public school. We also started going to a Methodist church soon after our transfer.
Now the Methodist Church was an entirely different world than what we’d been used to. There was singing! And hymns and a choir and a children’s choir and Sunday School! We had stepped into another world! I’ve always loved to sing and as soon as my Mother realized that I was pretty good at it, she started sending me to choir practices and I started singing solos in the church. Music kept me in the Protestant churches for a long time! Of course, like any good child of the 70’s, I questioned everything, especially church doctrine and Bible stories. I remember the first time I read the story of Cain and Abel, I was mortified! How could a loving God not love the idea of a gift of fresh fruits and vegetables, grown with love? Why would a loving God require a blood sacrifice? I could never even kill a fly, let alone an animal! (btw: I still can’t kill a fly. I try to chase them back outdoors). I also questioned the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. After Lot and his daughters left and went into the mountains, the daughters got their Daddy drunk and had their way with him. First; how could he have been that drunk and still been able to “perform” and second; isn’t that incest? Is the Bible saying that incest is ok? I had a lot of questions! No one had the answers. The Sunday School teachers just kind of answered around my questions, but no one seemed to know… We didn’t stay in one church for very long, we changed churches when we moved or when my Mother heard about a great new preacher at another church. That was ok with me, I was still looking for the answers to my questions.
When I was around 13 or 14 I started to hear about some kind of nature religion. I started reading everything I could find about it, without bringing any attention to myself. If you remember, back in those days, everyone knew everyone else’s Mom, so I had to be careful with my transactions at the library. There really wasn’t much information, a few magazine articles here and there and an occasional opportunity to listen in on someone else’s conversation. So, without teachers or a peer group where do you go from there? I learned what I could and realized that I loved the Earth and I loved the idea of a peaceful coexistence with all of creation. I secretly studied and followed this path until I was in my 20’s. When I was a Senior in High School, my then Sunday School teacher asked a very simple question, “do you believe in reincarnation?” “yes” I said, “absolutely”. My reasoning was simple; regardless of how big this heaven is supposed to be and that everyone gets to go there if they ask, shouldn’t it be pretty crowded by now? Think of how many people have died since time began. Are they all there fighting for space to sit at God’s feet and praise Him? I’m really not one for big crowds, can I at least request reincarnation? The Sunday School teacher just gave me the “look” I had grown accustomed to…
Now, when one reaches their 20’s, life happens. School is done and it’s time to be a grown up. Work hard, pay bills. Go to church if you can. I stopped going to church when I started working. Everyone gets to work on Sunday when they first start a new job and I fell out of the habit pretty easily. As I got older and more established in my career, I tried church again. Catholic church first and then back to the Protestant churches. I was invited to sing again. Choir and as soloist! But I still had a million questions that no one could answer. The standard answer was always “Faith is believing without proof”. But that never answered my questions about the Bible stories. And who was this great King James who commissioned the Bible? Who told him what God wanted included? And aren’t the Children of Israel His chosen people? Not personally being of Jewish decent, how is this my God? In summary, I can only assume that the Gentiles are and will always remain second class citizens in His eyes….?
I spent many years in Bible study while attending various churches. I have read and studied the book of Revelation, as well as both the old and new testaments, I can quote Bible verses and know what they mean. Many of the Bible verses that I've memorized over the years are simply proverbs for life in general. Direction for your life and how to get along with others. But, with all of my study, I now have even more questions about inconsistencies and confusing doctrine. I have left the church. I am a Witch.
Now, being a Witch isn’t anything like the Wizard of Oz. I probably won’t melt if it rains and I don’t have any flying monkeys. Being a Witch is about taking care of and respecting the creation, rather than simply praising the creator. My best analogy is this: Imagine that you bought your child the number one, top of the line bicycle. This bicycle is the envy of the neighborhood. You are standing beside the car when you give it to him. Now. Which would you prefer to happen next? Would you prefer that your child follow you around, kissing your toes and thanking you for the bicycle, which by the way is still sitting in the street next to the car? Or would you like to see your child ride the bicycle, take care of it and enjoy it? I have decided that the Creator would, like me, prefer to see the Creation respected, cared for, and enjoyed.